Its my seventh day at home today. YES !! i am on a vacation.
HOME... where i have the luxury of lying around whole day without doing anything....Eat the home cooked food that i always desired...Watch TV whole day without being disturbed....Where there are no client calls to attend...Where i don't have to give the status of work every 2 hrs....Where i can do any stupid act and still get away without being laughed at....Where i don't have to bother about my lunch and dinner... Yeah i am at HOME !!
Having spent almost 3 years outside of my home for earning a fat salary ( why do i have to lie ?? ) every home trip i have made has been special for me. No specific reasons ( should there be one ??) but just that i am coming back to the place where i have spent 22 important years of my life. The excitement of seeing my family, the oppurtunity to spend time with my cousins, the feeling of love,safety,care. All this and hundred other things make me run home as many times as i can.
But just wondering about how things have changed over time i felt that some things are missing...
Everyone here is busy with their own lives and daily chores. In fact it becomes difficult for me to get a time when all my friends are free to meet me at one place together. So i normally end up meeting them at different times at different places. The amazing fact is that it is only when i go to my hometown that some of my friends make a plan to meet. They hardly get time to meet each other even though they are staying in the same city. Just an instance of how much life and people have changed.
I believe that if you try to make time to spend with you dear once no matter how busy you are, you will make it. One of my friend said it rightly ‘ In your death bed you will not remember how much time you spent in office but you will regret how less time you spent with your friends & family’. May be it’s a wake up call for all of us.
Things with my family also look different. They have got used to living without me. They know that i have left for good and may or may not return in future ( career matters a lot). My mom takes leave from office as long as i am here and she makes it a point that i get to eat all my favorite food before its time to go back. She even takes care of my shopping and packs up home cooked ladoos for my friends back (my second) home.My dad makes sure that atleast once the whole family goes out for dinner whenever i'm home.My brother hands over the keys of the bike to me and travels by bus. All the relatives come over to visit us. Everyone tries to spend as much time as possible with me until it is time for me to go back.
It all is great but i sometimes get a feeling that it is a ritual that is being performed and things are not what they used to be. It feels bad when you work hard and stay away from your dear ones thinking that you are working for making their life better and then you find out that they don't need you any more...
May be i am over reacting and things are not that bad. May be its just that this visit has been at a wrong time. May be i am just bored, stupid , dumb...May be i am not able to see the love behind the faces any more.. May be things will be better when i come next...
Chalo itz time for me to pack my bags.I have to go back to the place of my Karma tomorrow...meanwhile i also have to answer my Mom's question 'Ab next time kab aayega ??'
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Heart broken
The inevitable has happened today.Yes I had a break up.It was the only serious relationship I got into in my whole life. And I wanted it to last forever.
Some things about her.She was one of the good friends i had in my college. We were together for almost 3 yrs in college. She had a relationship with my best friend and many a times i acted as the messenger for them.I used to transfer gifts and cards from her to my friend and vice versa. I was like a good guy they knew. Someone who could be there for you when you need him. I advised them many a times and even helped them to resolve their fights. My friend as turned out later was not that serious about this whole love thing and decided to end the relation. There were tears all around and i helped her recover, bad mouthing my friend in the process.Her parents also came to know about all this and she had a hard time facing their anger.
The story ended.My friend has got married and even has a kid today.I left my hometown for job and she also got one in a bank.We used to talk as friends though and mostly we discussed career issues. My liking for her never ended and we got bit closer. She also discussed about the guys who had come to see her for marriage. I asked her once what she wanted in a guy and she told me all. I wrote a mail to her next day telling her that 'I had all those qualities that u mentioned u wanted. So am i eligible for you.' She understood my intention and with some talk accepted my proposal.
We used to speak 3-4 times a day on phone. Would mail each other and exchange 1000s sms in a day.It was a great time of my life and i looked forward to spending time with her whenever i went home.We were togther for last one year and even discussed marriage. As i was not earning that well and my PG ending next year we decided to wait till next year before i could look for a jump in my career and salary. As she comes from a business family and is earning better than me i needed to have some financial standing before we could look to reveal the things to our family.
But my last visit to home and we didn't meet.Everytime i called her to meet she made some or the other excuse.Not knowing what was on her mind i came back hoping for things to improve.
Last some days and we have not spoken properly. Some times we didn't speak for a day at a stretch. Whenever i called, it was like one way talk with me speaking all the times and for most of the things she replied in simple Hmmmmm.
I could sense somethin was wrong and today i got a message from her saying she wanted us to be just friends from now on. I called her immediately and
She said it was not possible for her to wait for me any longer with the growing pressure from her family to settle down.She said they wanted her to select a guy soon and get married. It was not possible for her to reject every guy she met. She could not tell her parents about me as she had faced lot of problems when they came to know about her relation with my friend. Her mother had cried and all hell broke lose. She didn't wanted a repeat of all this and decided to go with their decision.
All my request and assurance didn't work and she said she was sure that her decision was right.We decided to leave everything to fate and she said if by next year she didn't get married we might give it a try (Yes Try !!!).
I don't know who is wrong in this whole mess.May be i am too weak to go forward and tell everyone,may be we were not meant to be together,may be god is testing us,may be next year i will earn enough to convince people (who don't matter) that i am the right guy for her, may be...
Some things about her.She was one of the good friends i had in my college. We were together for almost 3 yrs in college. She had a relationship with my best friend and many a times i acted as the messenger for them.I used to transfer gifts and cards from her to my friend and vice versa. I was like a good guy they knew. Someone who could be there for you when you need him. I advised them many a times and even helped them to resolve their fights. My friend as turned out later was not that serious about this whole love thing and decided to end the relation. There were tears all around and i helped her recover, bad mouthing my friend in the process.Her parents also came to know about all this and she had a hard time facing their anger.
The story ended.My friend has got married and even has a kid today.I left my hometown for job and she also got one in a bank.We used to talk as friends though and mostly we discussed career issues. My liking for her never ended and we got bit closer. She also discussed about the guys who had come to see her for marriage. I asked her once what she wanted in a guy and she told me all. I wrote a mail to her next day telling her that 'I had all those qualities that u mentioned u wanted. So am i eligible for you.' She understood my intention and with some talk accepted my proposal.
We used to speak 3-4 times a day on phone. Would mail each other and exchange 1000s sms in a day.It was a great time of my life and i looked forward to spending time with her whenever i went home.We were togther for last one year and even discussed marriage. As i was not earning that well and my PG ending next year we decided to wait till next year before i could look for a jump in my career and salary. As she comes from a business family and is earning better than me i needed to have some financial standing before we could look to reveal the things to our family.
But my last visit to home and we didn't meet.Everytime i called her to meet she made some or the other excuse.Not knowing what was on her mind i came back hoping for things to improve.
Last some days and we have not spoken properly. Some times we didn't speak for a day at a stretch. Whenever i called, it was like one way talk with me speaking all the times and for most of the things she replied in simple Hmmmmm.
I could sense somethin was wrong and today i got a message from her saying she wanted us to be just friends from now on. I called her immediately and
She said it was not possible for her to wait for me any longer with the growing pressure from her family to settle down.She said they wanted her to select a guy soon and get married. It was not possible for her to reject every guy she met. She could not tell her parents about me as she had faced lot of problems when they came to know about her relation with my friend. Her mother had cried and all hell broke lose. She didn't wanted a repeat of all this and decided to go with their decision.
All my request and assurance didn't work and she said she was sure that her decision was right.We decided to leave everything to fate and she said if by next year she didn't get married we might give it a try (Yes Try !!!).
I don't know who is wrong in this whole mess.May be i am too weak to go forward and tell everyone,may be we were not meant to be together,may be god is testing us,may be next year i will earn enough to convince people (who don't matter) that i am the right guy for her, may be...
Friday, June 01, 2007
Corporate Lessons
It’s been 2.5 yrs since I have been in the corporate way of life. Having spent some time here I think I should write down some lessons that I have learnt here (Oh no!! another management Guru in the making ??). I will try to update this whenever I can and will also try to remember these things in my journey further in this Big Bad world…..
1. Never give advice until asked for.Whatever you say as a gesture of goodwill
can be held against you.
2. Always document whatever work you do.Someone is sure to ask.
3. In the workplace we only have colleagues and not friends.They would do
anything to go up...even walk over you.
4. Always be committed to learn and explore.The day you stop learning you are dead.
5. Never fail to ask for what you truly deserve.It's the crying baby who drinks
the milk.
6. Work Hard.The hardest you can.
7. Always be clear about what you can or cannot do.Give realistic deadlines
which you know you can meet.
8. Never be afraid to raise an issue.It can be a bomb waiting to explode.
9. There is no job security.Be the best man in the team...someone who cannot
be replaced....and you will be secure.
10. Always keep your position safe,so that no one can point fingers at you if
something goes wrong.
11. Always be ready to help others.You never know when you might need their help.
12. Don't look for appreciation to come your way.It is not in your hands.
Be your own motivator.Give a pat on your back when you do good work and
kick yourself when you make a mistake.
1. Never give advice until asked for.Whatever you say as a gesture of goodwill
can be held against you.
2. Always document whatever work you do.Someone is sure to ask.
3. In the workplace we only have colleagues and not friends.They would do
anything to go up...even walk over you.
4. Always be committed to learn and explore.The day you stop learning you are dead.
5. Never fail to ask for what you truly deserve.It's the crying baby who drinks
the milk.
6. Work Hard.The hardest you can.
7. Always be clear about what you can or cannot do.Give realistic deadlines
which you know you can meet.
8. Never be afraid to raise an issue.It can be a bomb waiting to explode.
9. There is no job security.Be the best man in the team...someone who cannot
be replaced....and you will be secure.
10. Always keep your position safe,so that no one can point fingers at you if
something goes wrong.
11. Always be ready to help others.You never know when you might need their help.
12. Don't look for appreciation to come your way.It is not in your hands.
Be your own motivator.Give a pat on your back when you do good work and
kick yourself when you make a mistake.
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